The Atheist Delusion

       

          According to the trailer, “The Atheist Delusion: Why Millions Deny the Obvious” (Alternate Title: “Too Complex, Therefore, God” or Alternate Title: "Science is Hard" or Alternate Title "My High School Biology Teacher is Rolling in His or Her Grave Right Now") promises to destroy atheism with one scientific question, and is premised on the fact that all atheists simply lack sufficient proof of the existence of God, and that, when confronted with that proof, will at least promise the man behind the microphone shoved in their face that “they’ll think about it.” The man behind the microphone is Ray Comfort, noted non-biologist, and also the man behind the quote "Behold, the banana! The atheist's nightmare!"

          Hilariously, this movie released recently at the Ark Theme Park in Kentucky. It immediately got terrible reviews, for which Ray Comfort blames delusional atheists, because we all know that the only thing delusional atheists want to do is fire-bomb terrible Christian movies. And also eat babies. In an article about the IMDB firebombing, Ray Comfort refers to atheists as “nasty bees,” which is hilarious. I WAS going to refer to atheists as “delusional atheists” throughout this entire review, but “nasty bees” is WAAAAY funnier.

         Anyway, here we go.

1.       This guy literally just walks up to nasty bees and asks them if they’re nasty bees? Do nasty bees give off like, a pheromone or something, like how can you tell? Is there like a “hey, how are you, do you have some time to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?” or is it just like “Hey, so are you a nasty bee?” The people being interviewed all sort of give him this real startled-then-exasperated look, so imma guess it’s the latter.

2.       “We’re atheists because we’re not shown enough evidence for a higher power. If we were, I can almost guarantee that every atheist would immediately admit to there being a higher power.” Now, as a function of my growing up in a small, Midwestern town, then moving to a small Midwestern Christian college, then living among a small group of Mennonites in San Francisco, then moving back to a small Christian school in a small Southern town, I haven’t the fortune of knowing many nasty bees - I can come up with maybe 12 off the top of my head, with half of whom I have had some discussion of religion. But imma go ahead and call “bullshit” on that assertion. I think that a lot of nasty bees are nasty bees because they just don’t find religion (Christianity) to be personally compelling, not because they lack proof of religion’s (Christianity’s) inherent truthiness.

3.       Ohhhhh “The Watchmaker Analogy,” applied to the creation of a picture book, how original. Boy, you’re really gonna compel this basket of delusionals, aren’t you?

4.       Sudden insertion of a Ted Talk about genetics and how genes are the instruction manual for making us, us. Probably so Ray Comfort wouldn’t have to taint his mind with actual science and biology. I wonder if they paid that Ted Talker for his time. Probs not.

5.        “Do you think a book could make itself? It’s utterly impossible, right? Having something happen from nothing is crazy, right? The fact that DNA is intelligent, means there must be an intelligent designer, right?” OMGGGGGGG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. DNA isn’t intelligent, it’s a wad of chemicals that put on some slow jams and got lucky one night.

6.       So now we just have a montage of nasty bees sort of uncomfortably being lured into conversation by Ray Comfort, whom they’ve never met, waving a microphone and camera and asking them personal questions about their faith. He’s like “Oh, so, obviously a book can’t make itself, and you’d think anyone who thought that was dumb, right? WELL WHAT ABOUT THE INSTRUCTION BOOK FOR LIFE, CAN IT MAKE ITSELF, HUH, CAN IT, CAN IT, *CAN IT*?!?!?!” And the unlucky people he’s interviewing are just like “…what… is my life right now, and why did I agree to this?” It’s also patently obvious that this guy either doesn’t know squat about DNA, or is willfully withholding information to make his point.

7.       This guy just keeps cutting-away between shots, so when someone is like “Yeah, I agree,” after he asks a different person “So do you think that because a book can’t spontaneously self-assemble, that neither can DNA?” And that’s just bad camera editing, because idk, maybe that guy was like “Yeah, I agree [that the sky is blue].”

8.       “I’m just trying to reason with you, I’m not arguing, I’m not tryna win an argument, I just want you to concede something that is absolute common SENSE!” Ok, but like, you don’t understand DNA, and you can’t argue DNA with someone else that doesn’t understand DNA, it’s not a level playing field. Also, is DNA really your most compelling argument supporting why someone should be a Christian? It really just isn’t, you know? Like, WHO CAAAAAAARES about the origin of the universe – it’s an interesting ad nauseum side-debate, if you care, but it is not materially relevant to the mission of Christians on earth, which is to not be shitty people to everyone else. A lot of them are failing at that mission, which is probably why atheists don’t find Christianity particularly compelling.

9.       Guys, seriously, we are 9 minutes and 30s into this film. It’s an hour long. Send help, I just died of an overzealous eye-roll.

10.   “Do you believe that nothing created everything? Do you like Dawkins? Isn’t that what he says, that nothing created everything?” Ray Comfort just has a bunch of out-of-context “gotcha” questions, and poses them to sort of confused and uncomfortable-looking people on the street, without preamble, and then expects them to have a well-thought-out and eloquent answer, when they’re just tryna get to the grocery store or the gym, dangit.

11.   Oh, now Ray Comfort interviews a theoretical physicist or something like that, who’s a lot more bold about saying “that’s a ridiculous question.” He’s also totally talking above Ray Comfort’s pay grade, so Ray Comfort cuts-away and explains away the physicist’s explanations.

12.   Oh god now we’ve moved on to the “chicken or the egg” argument, this outta be good. You all know, of course, that the chicken and the egg were simultaneously created on day 5 of creation, and have remained unchanged since then, which is why dinosaur bones are a trick from God sent to test our faith. Glad we’ve cleared that up, let’s proceed with Ray Comfort’s flawless line of reasoning.

13.   Corny oompah music plays while college students try to answer which came first, which really undercuts the serious nature of Ray Comfort’s line of questioning.

14.   "Evolution can’t be real because how would a chicken survive before it’s lungs evolved?" GAME OVER, YOU WIN, RAY COMFORT, THAT’S FLAWLESS LOGIC.

15.   I’m pretty sure this guy is cherry-picking his interviewees – none of them are biology majors or biochemistry majors, or even seem that secure in their beliefs, and they all appear to be on a college campus, where there should be a lot more smart people than what’s shown in this travesty of a film.

16.   “Can you think of anything on earth that isn’t fully evolved? A dog has four legs, a tongue, eyes, ears, a mouth, everything is fully evolved! You don’t see people with a half-evolved leg, do you? And this disproves evolution, and proves the Bible!” WHAAAT IS THIS MAN TALKING ABOUT OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

17.   “You don’t want God in your life for the same reason a thief doesn’t want a policeman in his life! You love your porn, your premarital sex, your fornication!” OMG CHRISTIANS DO THOSE THINGS TOO, at the exact same proportion as non-Christians, in fact.

18.   God is real because the sun is not too hot or not too cold, it’s juuuuust right for tomato-ripening. FACT. SCIENCE FACT.

19.   This Just In: Nasty bees are nasty bees only because they don’t want to give up their raging porn habits. Sure says a lot about the compelling nature of the gospel message, if it can be so easily overcome by slicked-up actors performing unrealistic improvisations on the Kama Sutra.

20.   Oh yeah, wow, it just defies imagination to think that the Earth developed at juuuuust the right distance from the sun, with juuuuust the right percentage of oxygen vs nitrogen, with juuuuust the right amount of water, and a huuuuuge variety of plant and animal life, all exhibiting sexual dimorphism and the ability to reproduce. TBH, it’s more amazing that this all developed by chance than to imagine that Some Dude made it all just like how it is. 

21.   Oh, trees are here so we can build houses? Cows are here to give us meat and butter? Chickens are here for food and eggs? Sheep are here to give us wool? Plants and fruits are here for the benefit of humanity? Wow. Apparently egocentrism is the new heliocentrism.

22.   “The Bible is full of scientific facts that weren’t discovered until thousands of years later, did you know that?” I did not, because that’s not true.

23.   “If God is good, then how can there NOT be a hell?” Ok, but like, you can avoid hell by just being like “Lord Jesus Christ, plz come into my heart and save me from myself,” so it’s not like there’s not a way to weasel out of hell.

24.   Ray Comfort, with the assistance of a bunch of leading questions, convinces a bunch of college-aged nasty bees that they are all going to hell, and that they should believe in God so they don’t go to hell. If your prime directive in life is to not go to hell, and that’s the whole reason you believe any of this stuff, you’re doing it wrong.

25.   “Telling God you’re doing the best you can to be a good person, while also being an atheist is like saying to a judge ‘hey, I raped that woman, but I’m doing the best I can.’ He’d throw the book at you, wouldn’t he!?” Actually, probably not your best argument. Rapists get off real light, especially if they’re white college sports-boys.

26.   The problem right now is that Ray Comfort stands behind the camera, and you can’t ever see his face talking, so he could legitimately take a video of people smiling and nodding and looking uncomfortable, mute the sound, and then insert his own voice talking over the video, and you can literally say that “Nasty bees eat babies for breakfast, don’t they?” and the video would totally make it look like you agreed with him. I would be unsurprised to learn that he is recycling clips from one segment to another, and just voicing over them.

27.   “You’re a total stranger, why would you care about me?” “Cuz I’m a Christian, I love you, I’m not filled with hate like some of those other religions.” OMGGGGGGGGGG. Ok, wow. Christianity does not have the corner on the love-other-people market, wow. Personally, I think Sikhs have that whole thing on lock, if we're making broadly-applicable arguments, here. Also, PLENTY of Christians are filled with hate. When he says “those other religions,” I assume he’s referring to Muslims, because they're always referring to Muslims when they say nasty things like that, which is just rude, because painting everyone with the same extremist brush is actually quite intolerable.

28.   Montage of nasty bees nodding and looking uncomfortable, with a voice-over of Ray Comfort leading them through a come-to-Jesus moment, which is fine, if they feel legitimately convicted. I personally would not be swayed by these weak-sauce arguments, but other people can make their own choices.

29.   I can never get this time back. And I have a headache. No word on what that one scientific question was that was supposed to destroy atheism. 

           I can’t even with this movie, mostly because gosh, just leave them alone, already! Quit shoving your views in their faces, no one likes it when you shove things in their faces, especially if that thing is already distasteful and has already been shoved in their face multiple times. If all these nasty bees find your witness compelling, they’ll ask. If they don’t ask, you might be doing it wrong. Or they just aren’t interested. For all you millions of nasty bees out there – if you see a man with a stupid Kiwi accent and he wants to shove a camera and mic in your face, just leave. He’s not gonna listen to you, and if you do try to talk to him, he’ll supercut your words to make it look like you agrees with him. To any of my nasty bee friends who are also hardheaded confrontational biologists with a good understanding of how to argue with idiots - he’ll cut you from his dumb movie because you don’t fit the “fragile atheist” mold, and you’ll just get yourself all worked up for nothing.

This was so dumb, and quite honestly, is an insult to everyone involved.